


Deadpool Says FUCK NO!!!

by CrimsonWaterlily



Category: Marvel, Marvel (Comics), Marvel (Movies), Marvel 616, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Antisemitism, Lots of Cursing, SayNoToHYDRACap, cursing, dc mentions, nick spencer thinks it's a cool new twist well you're in the wrong company if you think that!, wade wilson isn't having any of you antisemitistic bullshit, you made me write in second person you shithead!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-27
Updated: 2016-05-27
Packaged: 2018-07-10 12:33:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6985324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrimsonWaterlily/pseuds/CrimsonWaterlily
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Deadpool finds out about hydracap....I think the title explains it</p>
            </blockquote>





	Deadpool Says FUCK NO!!!

**Author's Note:**

> SayNoToHydraCap  
> qjegfofdgorgnoqetgnjoefvoierjgjaslfdmqerf (because I have no coherent thoughts for this outrage!)

# Deadpool Says FUCK NO!

Deadpool stands in the kitchen, clad in his red suit, heating up chimichangas while whistling and wearing a pink apron because it makes him look adorable. He turns to you.

"Oh hi there, Deadpool here, how've you been? Good? Me too! What am I doing? Oh I'm just here, heating up some chimichangas, or at least that's how the writers left me."

Deadpool looks around the panel franes to make sure no one's there then turns to you and whispers, "I like to take these moments when they're not around to sneak in some of the newer comics," he produces newer comics out of nowhere, "some of them are DC cause I love Wonder Woman and would gladly allow her to murder me, but right now I want to get into what my marvel companions have been doing!"

He looks through the newer comics and finds Captain America: Steve Rogers 1.

"Oh I'm so excited to read this one! There's been a lot of fans (myself included of course) asking for him to be bi and get together with Bucky Barnes so maybe he's going to get that here! I hear that they're making a 90% black cast for the Black Panther movie so I guess they finally got their shit together!"

*CLOCK TICKING WHILE HE READS*

*SOUND OF CLOCK BEING SMASHED*

"Who the fuck invented ticking clocks!"

*TIME PASSES*

Deadpool is sitting in his armchair glaring at the screen.

He takes a deep breath.

"FUCK NO!!! NO! JUST NO! NO FUCKING WAY! JUST FUCKING FUCKITY FUCKSHIT FUCKNUT NO!"

*LOTS OF CURSING LATER*

Wade growling lowly, "So you're telling me that Captian America, Captain _freaking_ America.....has been a Nazi this whole time? ....CAPTAIN AMERICA HAS BEEN A FUCKING NAZI! The guy who was created by two Jewish dudes during freaking _WW2_!? The guy who punched Hitler in the face!? The guy who represents the person who fights for the little guy! The guy who is the embodiment of fighting against everything the nazis stand for.....is a fucking _Nazi_! HE'S A FUCKING NAZI! DO YOU EVEN COMPREHEND HOW ILLOGICAL THAT IS! NOT TO MENTION HOW ANTISEMATIC IT FUCKING IS! DO YOU NOT EVEN CARE ABOUT THE MILLIONS OF JEWS WHO SAW THIS MAN AS A SYMBOL OF HOPE DURING FUCKING WW2! DO YOU NOT CARE ABOUT HOW YOU JUST RUINED EVERY CHILD'S BIGGEST HERO! NICK SPENCER YOU FUCKING PIECE OF COCKSHIT HUMAN GARBAGE COCKSUKING SCUMFUCK! YOU MOTHERFUCKING SHITASS EATING GONORREA SPREADING SHITASS DICK!"

*LOTS MORE CURSING LATER*

Takes out gun and cocks it.

"Time to pay Nick Spencer a visit!"

Nick Spencer's house:

Nick Spencer sits proudly at his desk, gosh he loves the new twits he made. It's so new and exciting, _definitely_ not antisemitic or tarnishing to the character, and it's _especially_ not basically pissing on the graves of Joe Simon and Jack Kirby.

BAM!

He jumps as the door is kicked down.

"What the-?" he's about to yell when he sees Deadpool holding a gun to his head.

"Hi, do you have insurance for getting your nuts cut off?!" Deadpool asks kindly.

Nick Spencer shits his pants.

Later: 

"Oh this is so beautiful!" Deadpool giggles as he holds a gun to Spencer's head while making him rewrite the whole issue and then makes him have Captain America kiss Bucky Barnes.

"Oh not make them touch foreheads! Forehead touching is adorable!"

Deadpool doesn't cut off Spencers balls but he does shove the issue into the same place the guy got it from (you know where), then he goes back into his comic panel and gushes over how Cap is kissing Bucky.

*PHONE RINGS*

"Hello? Oh hi Cap!"

"Hey Wade," Steve says having just woken up, "I don't know why but I had the weirdest dream, I dreamt I was... _Hydra_?"

"Wow that is weird, it's like Batman being the one who killed his parents, or Sam saying he supports KKK or me saying I hate chimichangas, and so completely stupid and illogical and possibly antisemitic, no _actually_ antisemitic! "

"Yeah...anyways you're the one who has experienced this fourth wall breaking, have you heard anything?"

"Nope! Not a thing!"

Steve frowns and goes on to ask something but is hugged from behind by Bucky who whispers, "Come lie back down baby."

He wanted to keep asking Wade about this weird dream but he finds Bucky's neck kissing to be irresistable.

"Alright, well call me if you find out anything."

"Sure thing Cap!"

The calls ends and Deadpool goes back to reading his now favorite issue while drinking some tea and eating chimichangas, then he stops and looks ahead in doubt.

He picks up the phone and dials, he waits a minute until Sam picks up.

"Hello?"

"Hi Sam, are you currently white or feel like supporting KKK?"

"Um no? Why?"

"No reason!"

Deadpool hangs up leaving a confused Sam on the other line.

He looks at the phone again, "Maybe I should call Batman....nah long distance, it'll probably cost me a fortune. Besides, not even Frank Miller is that stupid."

**Author's Note:**

> find me on crimson-waterlily.tumblr.com you'll find even more ranting about this, also check out the petitions against this bullshit  
> #SayNoToHydraCap


End file.
